Friday, May 20, 2016

Reflections On a Time Warp In Mothering

I am the pleased and proud mama to three awesome homeschooled kiddos. All of them have followed the homeschool path for the duration, at least until they were able to begin their college courses. Tomorrow my oldest graduates, and I can't help but reflect and wonder where all the time has gone.
Three months old
I can't believe that I was chosen to parent this beautiful, brilliant, and resilient soul. I've been blessed beyond measure. We cut our teeth on each other- he, literally, and me, as a first time mother with precious little babysitting experience to bolster her maternal insecurities.

Early life consisted of singing, stories, and lots of NPR while rocking. Oh, and burp clothes, LOTS of burp clothes (to combat the epic GERD). It was a quiet, gentle beginning, and we both thrived in it. And he grew.


Before I knew it, siblings were added into the mix and excitement built. Our house was no longer quiet, but it was filled with love. Preschool began and we both adjusted to having a couple of hours apart. While I enjoyed the opportunity to spend time with his younger siblings, I missed cuddling with my boy. It was always a joy to pick him up and ask him about his morning.

Although at the time the days seemed to slip by slowly, in retrospect they were speeding. Goodnight Moon was replaced by The Boxcar Children, which was replaced by Peter Pan. I caught my breath when I saw he'd moved on to reading independently and fell down the hole that is Rosemary Sutcliff and Brian Jacques. I began to see that I was in a space/time continuum that was misleading. Time was moving too quickly!

Jacob continued to grow, develop, and experience new things. I tried to live in the moment. Too often, my head was spinning and I lost opportunities...to bond, to support, to simply dwell. There were just too many tasks to complete. Jacob moved, seemingly overnight, into teenage years. Astoundingly huge growth spurts, uncomfortable voice changes, and algebra all appeared (and eventually passed). I began to get hints of the future man that he would become, and I smiled then.

Growing up

Tomorrow Jacob graduates from high school. I can honestly say I've enjoyed every bit of the journey- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I've made more mistakes than I would like to admit, and if he ends up in therapy over them, I give him full permission to blame me. I have broad shoulders. I have loved him deeply. I have shared my passion for literature. He has a piece of my soul.
His acceptance letter to Stetson University.
In a very short time he will head to Stetson University where he plans to major in English and either Business or Environmental Science. Whatever he chooses, it will be wonderful. He is heading off to bright horizons. Jacob, I love you, honey. I'm so proud of you, and I will continually pray for you as you make your way in this big and frequently scary world. Make it a better place. Love deeply, serve God, and cultivate friendships. Be blessed. And remember to come home to visit me occasionally!

Love,

Mom

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